鈥淭rust鈥� caught my attention recently.
In a world flooded with 鈥渁lternative facts鈥�, trusting what is true becomes impossible. During a truth drought trust is the first to wither.
Rank, privilege, and authority have little power to overcome mistrust, lacking trust social paralysis is a predictable outcome.
When the art of building trust is neglected, people band together in small groups seeking the safety of like-mindedness and too often nurture mistrust, or resort to fearful finger pointing and hostile aggression against the perceived threat. History also offers up examples where trust has been established and great social achievements have resulted.
Action is collaborative human intention and agency, established on a foundation of trust.
I find how much I decide to trust depends on the situation 鈥� calculated on a sliding scale and measured according to what may be at stake. Am I trusting someone to arrive on time for dinner? Or relying on a stranger to pack my parachute?
Adverse childhood experience (ACE鈥檚) or trauma endured as an adult (PTSD) leave bruises that influence whether we tend toward being generous or withhold trust. The inner work of preparing ourselves to build trust is seldom discussed.
Regardless of the venue 鈥� 聽business, social, political, or family 鈥� the required building blocks for this inner preparation are summed up in the bulleted list below.
- Common purpose
- Get serious
- Leap of faith
- Truce
- Put your armor aside
- Who are you really?
I鈥檓 not a fan of bulleted lists, preferring instead lived examples to illustrate emotional concepts. Follow along for some high-risk trust building and I鈥檒l explain.
Common purpose
Early morning, I pull off the highway through an open steel gate guarding the grounds of a well-known California prison. A blue gray dawn retreats into the hollows as the sun rises above the brown hills tinting the tips of the scrub oaks gold.
I value the work we will accomplish over the next three days. Guiding others to examine what lay beneath the trappings of ego, intellect or position of authority is Illuminating and humbling.
Greater self-knowledge is the desired outcome, for both participant and facilitator.
鈥淲ho are you, really?鈥� Is the operative question for every man attending. To answer with clarity and conviction is the goal.
Get serious
I join twenty men at the main gate, skilled group facilitators from across the country mixed with those less experienced hoping to up their game. As instructed, we line up in silence with our backs against the concrete wall, alphabetical and single file. The gravity of this place hits hard and fast 鈥� no glad handing, greeting old friends or nervous chatter.
The guards call our last names one at a time, match our picture ID to a roster and hand us a pass. We assemble for the half mile hike into an ordered and disciplined world very different from our everyday lives. In prison bending the rules is strictly prohibited and disrespect has life or death consequences.
Armed guards watch from above in their towers as we silently march through a series of checkpoints. IDs are checked and we scrawl our names on multiple time sheets marked 鈥淎rrival time/Departure time.鈥�
We pass through a gate in a tall electric fence topped with a spiral of razor wire. Signs wired to
the fence every fifty feet warn 鈥淗igh Voltage鈥�, illustrated with lightning bolts surrounding the silhouette of a man.
Leap of faith
The final stop is the sally port, a long hallway separating the inner and outer wall. The outer door leads back through the maze of checkpoints to freedom. The inner door opens directly onto the yard and the general population. Heavy steel doors secure both ends of the passage. Sliding in tracks, the sound of steel against steel combined with the clank of the heavy bolt locking in place often causes me to question my choice.
What if my name mysteriously vanishes from the list, record of my arrival is lost, or my pass and ID go missing, leaving me unexpectedly trapped behind the walls and unable to speed away.聽 I trust the guards won鈥檛 use the roster I signed for a napkin and mistakenly throw it in the garbage.
Not entirely unreasonable鈥� mistakes do happen. Prison remains a monument to poor choices and regret. I slip my pass securely in my pocket, a Get Out of Jail Free card printed on a stiff piece of paper. The inner door opens, we file out and join the general population in the yard鈥� a leap of faith.
Truce
The prison yard consists of a large athletic field circled by a wide sidewalk. An assortment of benches, tables, and exercise bars anchored in concrete back up against the two-story inner wall. Strictly segregated, White, Black, Asian, Mexican, and Native carve out and defend turf; a bench, table, or patch of grass snugged up against the wall marks where each group gathers to pass the time when granted access to the yard.
It鈥檚 not uncommon for violence to erupt in the yard. Competing agendas, disrespect or deals gone bad circulate under what passes for calm. The tension is difficult to miss. A truce has been negotiated among the participants of our three-day event. Men from each of the ethnic groups have agreed to leave yard politics outside the chapel.
We file into the chapel free from the close scrutiny of the guards. 鈥淢en from the street鈥� feel at ease to greet one another and get to work. A logistics team begins the process of calling block guards to release each participant from their cell, and a group of men begin to set up the sixty folding chairs required for one large circle.
Surrender your armor
The main entrance to the chapel is a heavy steel door with a wire mesh window welded in place. There is only one window in the entire cement block chapel. I admit, over three long days I linger by this window every so often just to catch a glimpse of the sky.
Half a dozen identical doors are placed at intervals in the inner wall give access to the yard from the separate cell blocks. Participants 鈥� 鈥渕en in blue鈥� 鈥� appear when each door pops open and begin a slow walk around the yard to the chapel escorted by a guard.
The men slip on a 鈥測ard posture鈥�, adopting a casual swagger, acknowledging men with a nod or handshake as they pass, while others are all business and unapproachable. Each man has his style. Guards trail along to the chapel. After a casual frisk the guard shouts up to the officer in the watchtower and the chapel door pops open.
We greet each man in blue with an invitation.
鈥淐onsider slipping your armor off, defenses, judgements, preconceived bias, or fear. Pile them next to the door, they鈥檒l be safe and waiting for you. Slip them back on when you return to your cell, but while you鈥檙e in the circle take a risk 鈥� leave your defenses at the door.鈥�
Who are you really?
It takes a couple of hours to gather us all in the chapel. The circle grows to nearly sixty men by the time we鈥檙e ready to get underway. The men in blue are in charge of the opening process.
Men from the street who have never entered the prison before and therefore are strangers to this circle are brought into the center and asked a straightforward yet startling question.
鈥淲hy should we trust you in our house? Show us who you are鈥︹��.now! Beyond your credentials, experience, position of authority鈥� who are you? What keeps you up at night?聽 What do you stand for? Show us!鈥�
The stakes are high. Fail to answer convincingly and you could be escorted back to the main gate. The entire circle feels the pressure and silently urges each man 鈥� keep it simple, tell the truth.
Whether from street or cell, when we headed for the prison chapel an inner process began.聽 Emotional preparation for the work ahead, this inner preparation is a foundation to build on. We prepare ourselves to be open and fully present.
As previously mentioned, some of us are generous with trust others tend to withhold. Although critical for a solid foundation often the inner prep work is neglected. Mistrust of self, projected on others handicaps the ability to build trust collaboratively.
In circles of ten or twelve we have three days to tell our stories and exercise our humanity.
Compassion, empathy, acceptance, and, at times, challenge will be required.
Social action is collaborative human intention and agency, established on a foundation of trust.
Trust of self is where it all begins.
- Common purpose
- Get serious
- Leap of faith
- Truce
- Put your armor aside
- Who are you really?
Written by:
Snake ‘Craig’ Bloomstrand