The underestimated role of fathers in childhood
Short on time? Take a moment to give the audio recording of this blog post a quick listen.
A lot of emphasis is given to the nature of the mother-child bond and the consequences of it 鈥� informing our attachment styles of relating and connection into adult life. However, just as significantly, research into the contribution (or lack thereof) from fathers and the significant impact it has on mothers and the wellbeing of their children is fascinating.
Paternal engagement has been seen to have an impact on early pregnancy as well as on infant outcomes. A study showed that when fathers were involved during pregnancy, negative health behaviors of the mother reduced (mostly due to encouragement from the partner e.g. giving up smoking etc) and risk of preterm birth and low birth weight also reduced. In fact, paternal involvement has also been associated with infant mortality for up to one year after birth.聽
The question arises as to what determines an 鈥渋nvolved male鈥� and this was seen as either the biological father, or, the current male partner of the pregnant woman. Both men and women described the ideal, involved father or male partner as present, accessible, available, understanding, willing to learn about the pregnancy process and eager to provide emotional, physical and financial support to the woman carrying the child. Both men and women emphasized a sense of 鈥渢ogetherness鈥� during the pregnancy.聽
Interestingly, when asked about it, participants indicated that financial support is important, however, emotional and physical support is crucial during the pregnancy period. Ideally, he would help maintain the bills and stay employed, but that men should be involved regardless of their ability to provide financial support. Overall, the ideal father is seen as the protector 鈥� someone who is responsible and mature 鈥� who does what is necessary to ensure the safe journey of the baby and the mother.
This points to the obvious vulnerability women experience during child rearing and the importance of safety for young children to thrive. When there is an absent parent, children are often overwhelmed with feelings of longing for that parent, and this can have strong physiological effects. Studies show that the father鈥檚 absence before birth and during childhood may be associated with earlier onset of puberty, especially for girls.聽
鈥淭he pattern is clear for girls. If the father was absent from before birth, girls started puberty on average 3 months earlier, and this difference declined in accordance with the girl鈥檚 age when the father left the family during childhood. For boys, the trend was only present if the father was absent from late childhood (6鈥�10 years old)鈥� explains Anne Gaml鈥怱酶rensen, PhD student, Department of Public Health, Aarhus University.
The problem with early puberty is that it is associated with mental disorders such as depression and anxiety in adolescence and cardiovascular disease and some types of cancer in adulthood.聽
Anne Gaml-S酶rensen goes on to say, 鈥�…early childhood is a sensitive period in which the absence of the father can influence daughters to engage in earlier sexual activity and sons more stereotypical masculine behaviour. Later theories suggested that stress in early childhood affects children鈥檚 onset of puberty.鈥�
It鈥檚 useful to compare that when other behavioral studies were done with children who had two parents, they were found to spend more time at home with their mother than did father-absent children (Quinlan & Flinn, 2003), and girls in two-parent households were better supervised than were father-absent girls (Flinn, 1988a). Other studies found reduced parental supervision in single-mother households聽 (Dornbusch et al., 1985, Newcomer and Udry, 1987,)聽 and shorter duration of breastfeeding among father-absent children. ( Bar-Yam & Darby, 1997, Kiehl et al., 1996, Pande et al., 1997, Quinlan et al., 2003, Vega Lopez & Gonzalez Perez, 1993.) That鈥檚 not surprising if a mother is the single parent, however it鈥檚 useful to acknowledge that early insufficient nutrition/hydration from breastfeeding has been correlated to long-term effects in neuro-developmental issues such as attention deficit hyperactivity disorder, autism, cerebral palsy, cognitive and developmental delay, epilepsy, hearing impairment, kernicterus, language disorder, mood disorders, lower IQ, and specific learning disorder.聽
These affects are interesting in themselves, however, just as relevant is the nature the relationship a father has to young adolescents and how this plays out in their future adulthood. Sons often strive to emulate their fathers, their foremost heroes, whilst daughters perceive their fathers as the epitome of how they ought to be cherished by men. It has been noted that:
When fathers are involved, children do better at school
Dads set the standard for their daughter鈥檚 romantic relationships
Fathers affect their daughter鈥檚 confidence and self-esteem
Dads can help promote a positive body image
Fathers empower their kids to take more risks
Equally, how a father treats his wife will define his son鈥檚 attitude towards women 鈥� whether he adopts the same mindset or rejects it.聽 A father or father figure鈥檚 influence can last a lifetime,聽 shaping children鈥檚 attitudes, how they behave, how they problem-solve and make decisions and how they bounce back from failure.聽
Role modelling healthy behaviour
Children absorb lessons from adult behaviour, both explicitly and also implicitly. Remember, children are astute observers but often struggle to interpret nuances.
Use language and mannerisms that you wish your children to emulate. Pay attention to your interactions with them and others, the topics you discuss, and the attitudes you convey, as these significantly shape their values over time. For instance, consider whether your speech and demeanour convey respect for others or inadvertently signal disapproval, judgment or shame.
Demonstrate problem-solving and decision-making processes, explaining these to your children. As often as you can, display effective problem-solving in a composed and constructive manner. When feasible, strive to avoid the unhealthy example of anger or frustration in their presence.
Lead through personal example. Your children learn from observing how you navigate both successes and setbacks in life. For instance, acknowledge and rectify your mistakes openly, discussing what you could do differently to prevent recurrence.
Maintain a positive outlook, even during challenging times. Cultivate optimism in your thoughts, actions, and conversations. This illustrates to your children that despite adversity, progress is possible, and silver linings can be found even in adverse situations.
Exhibit the behaviours you wish to instill in your children. For instance, demonstrate forgiveness towards mistakes, highlighting the importance of handling errors graciously. Are you quick to condemn or understand? Do you respond calmly or with reproach?
Express affection and model healthy connection in relationship.
Be aware of discussing adult conversations that are inappropriate for young ears.
Source:
The Fathering Project: “The Importance of Fathers as Role Models to Their Children” ()