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Gaslighting: Understanding Its Forms and Impact

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In the realm of psychological manipulation, few tactics are as insidious and damaging as gaslighting. This method of mental manipulation involves the manipulator lying, denying, and altering reality to such an extent that the victim begins to doubt their own perceptions, memory, and sanity.

The term originates from the 1938 stage play “Gas Light,” where a husband – amongst other things – dims the gas lights in their home and, despite his wife’s observations, insists she is imagining the change, making her question her own sanity.

Gaslighting can take many forms but can be categorized into four main types: outright lying, manipulation of reality, scapegoating, and coercion. Each type employs different tactics but aims to achieve the same result: control and domination over the victim.

Gaslighting can occur in various contexts, including personal relationships, the workplace, and even on a grander societal level. More often than not, gaslighting is associated with narcissistic individuals, however don’t be fooled since we can each slip into unknowingly gaslighting ourselves!

Fundamentally, the essential thing to acknowledge is that gaslighting is a form of emotional abuse. It is designed to avoid accountability for their own negative behaviour and to control the behaviour of their victim. It’s a way of keeping the heat off them.

Let’s look into those four main types of gaslighting:

Outright Lying

This form of gaslighting is the most straightforward and blatant. The gaslighter will tell lies with confidence and without hesitation. These lies are often so bold that the victim may start to question their own version of reality because they cannot fathom anyone lying so brazenly.
For example, a partner may deny saying something hurtful, even if the victim clearly remembers the conversation. The more this happens over time the more the victim starts to question their assessment of a situation and eventually capitulates to the gaslighter’s version of events because it’s too exhausting to constantly have to confront the gaslighter. This subtle, yet perpetual, rejection of the victim’s experience undermines their sense of self.

Manipulation of Reality

Manipulation of reality is a more covert form of gaslighting. The gaslighter may (consciously or unconsciously) alter small details of events or conversations, insisting that events happened in a way that benefits them, or only relays their version of events excluding the presence or thoughts of other people or aspects.
This form of gaslighting is particularly effective because it can make the victim question their worth and perception of reality and, by so doing, become even more reliant on the gaslighter for the “truth.” The more this happens, the more the victim withdraws internally until they find themselves entirely submissive to the gaslighter.
In more overt cases, it can even extend to where a gaslighter might move an item deliberately from where the victim had placed it, and then blame the victim for losing it, disorienting the victim and causing them to really doubt their own actions and memory. Sometimes, it can look like the gaslighter makes a decision to move furniture around in a room suggesting it will improve things, but then does this so often that all it achieves is to keep the victim confused and disoriented. These are deliberate attempts at keeping a victim unstable.

Scapegoating

Scapegoating involves the gaslighter blaming the victim for things that are not their fault, often in an effort to divert the attention from the gaslighter’s own faults or mistakes. It can be done with extreme force (anger or rage) making it impossible for the victim to even get their view across. This can make the victim feel responsible for the gaslighter’s emotions or problems, leading to a sense of guilt and a desire to “fix” things, even when they have done nothing wrong. This tactic can erode the victim’s self-esteem and make them more susceptible to further manipulation and control.

Coercion

Coercion in gaslighting involves the gaslighter pressuring the victim to act or think in a certain way, often under the threat of negative consequences or the promise of rewards. This can include threats to end the relationship, public humiliation, or even physical harm. The victim may comply with the gaslighter’s demands out of fear, a sense of pressure or a fear of being exposed – further entrenching the power imbalance in the relationship. Withdrawal of love, love-bombing and financial manipulation can also be other forms of coercion constantly de-stabilising the relationship and creating anxiety in the victim.

Impact and Recovery

The impact of gaslighting on victims cannot be overstated. It can lead to severe anxiety, depression, and a profound sense of isolation. Victims may also struggle with trust issues and have difficulty distinguishing reality from manipulation in future relationships. Recovery from gaslighting involves recognizing that it is a form of abuse and seeking support from professionals or a trusted community and gradually rebuilding one’s trust in one’s own perceptions and reality. Fundamentally recognising that your feelings matter and that constantly being undermined will drive you crazy.

Understanding the different types of gaslighting is crucial for recognizing potential abuse and beginning to unlock yourself from their grip of power over you. By shining a light on these manipulative tactics, we can empower victims to reclaim their reality and move forward with strength and resilience. Remember kind people cannot pretend to be awful people, but manipulating people can most definitely pretend to be kind, so the next time you’re confused by someone’s behaviour; question it. Critical thinking helps to extricate yourself from an unhealthy relationship and over time, with enough experience of healthy relationships, you will heal from the emotional abuse. The less egalitarian a relationship, the more vulnerable it is to gaslighting.

If you detect that you may be a victim of gaslighting or that you may be a gaslighter, don’t hesitate to reach out for professional support. The 118ͼ¿â offers multiple courses and resources to help you heal. If you are unsure where to start, we offer you an initial assessment with Director and “Anger Guru” Mike Fisher.