118图库

118图库 in The Times

118图库 founder Mike Fisher was interviewed for this piece published in The Times newspaper earlier this month.聽

Every day we encounter situations that enrage us. The main causes of anger are hardly news: whether you鈥檙e feeling stressed, overworked or taken for granted, it comes down to not feeling valued, understood or respected.

So often we learn that anger is damaging and that we should minimise it. But anger is neither good nor bad, it鈥檚 simply an emotion, and often one that can be used for positive change.

So how can we negotiate rage effectively and, even, use it to our advantage?聽

We spoke to聽the experts聽about the best ways to manage anger in the workplace and elsewhere.

Learn emotional awareness
Emotional awareness is an important first step, says Sally Stabb, psychology professor at Texas Woman鈥檚 University and co-author of聽The Anger聽Advantage: The Surprising Benefits of Anger and How it Can Change a Woman鈥檚 Life. Many people, particularly women, are so used to suppressing anger that knowing when they鈥檙e feeling it is no simple matter.

You need to acknowledge and recognise it, she advises. What are the signs that you鈥檙e angry? Where do you feel anger in your body? How intense is it? Do you shout, stop talking or cry? Is it manifesting as sadness and frustration? Which types of situations trigger it? Becoming familiar with anger means you can better learn to regulate it.

Call it out
If someone is being disrespectful, you have the right to point it out without feeling guilty, Stabb says. Express what you need. Explain the problem. Try to be clear, specific and targeted.

Importantly, women should try to give a concrete external reason for their anger, according to the business professors Victoria Brescoll and Eric Luis Uhlmann. This works to undermine offensive stereotypes of overemotional women.

Soften the blow
If you struggle to assert yourself, try using a 鈥渂oth/and鈥欌�� strategy, Stabb suggests. Request something specific while also recognising something positive about the person you are addressing. Explain that you see their point but you have another point.

Say something such as: 鈥淗ey, we worked really well together on [eg project/deal]. But I鈥檓 also feeling angry about [problem]. Could you [then suggest what you want them to do differently]?鈥�

Humour can also help you make your point while making light of the situation. According to Joan Williams and Rachel Dempsey in聽What Works for Women at Work, humour 鈥渃an help you maintain your equanimity in the face of things that seem infuriating or unfair鈥�, while letting someone know 鈥渢hat their behaviour is unacceptable without coming off as, well, humourless鈥�.

Never get personal
Don鈥檛 make broad assumptions or accusations about someone鈥檚 character. Mike Fisher, director of the 118图库 and the author of聽Beating Anger: The Eight-point Plan for Coping with Rage, recommends avoiding phrases beginning 鈥測ou never鈥� and 鈥測ou always鈥�, which will only make people defensive and less inclined to listen. Instead of 鈥測ou make me angry,鈥� say 鈥淚 feel angry with you鈥�, then explain why.

Furthermore, Stabb adds, having compassion and recognising that there may be something going on in others鈥� lives will help you to regulate your anger.

Slow down
If you鈥檙e unable to express your anger, control it by breathing deeply and getting oxygen into your bloodstream; you鈥檒l immediately feel calmer. Lessen the intensity by distraction, Stabb says, by inviting an opposite emotion, such as recalling a time you felt happy, or try mindfulness techniques, recognising that your emotions come and go.

Sometimes taking time out might be the best option. Fisher suggests waiting for five minutes. If it doesn鈥檛 matter after that, let it go. He adds, importantly, don鈥檛 take things personally. 鈥淎 lot of us are more sensitive than we would admit, but in many cases, if someone has made you feel a certain way, it may have more to do with them than you.鈥�

Reach out
Fisher emphasises the importance of asking others for support. Talking through the reasons for your anger with friends or family offers perspective and affirms whether you are justified (or not).

In the workplace, if you鈥檙e habitually being talked over or undermined, Barrett advises women to enlist the aid of a supportive male colleague who can draw attention to this and redirect the conversation back to you. Or find out whether your workplace has mentoring schemes. A female mentor or champion could be an indispensable resource for support and advice.

Take action
Soraya Chemaly, in聽Rage Becomes Her: The Power of Women鈥檚 Anger, says: 鈥淔inding communities that validate and share your anger creates powerful opportunities for effective social action.鈥�

Making your anger visible, whether by attending a protest or reaching out to people through social media or charities, can catalyse opportunities for action.

If you are angry at systemic or institutionalised injustice such as discrimination at work, Stabb suggests taking collective action, which is far more likely to bring about meaningful change.

Do what you love
Channel your anger into something you love, whether that is art, music, dance, whatever. 鈥淥ur culture is all about doing, buying, acting out,鈥� Fisher says. 鈥淲e all have overstimulated cerebral cortexes. Anger management is about slowing down. The arts are an amazing way to switch off and disappear into the immediate moment.鈥�

These techniques are never going to be a one-size-fits-all solution. Every woman must weigh up how best to express (or not) her anger.

One thing we can do, men and聽women, is re-examine our own biases. Note how you react when others express emotion. Does it vary depending on sex, race or class? Rather than dismissing someone and contributing to the problem, try to be part of the solution. If anyone, man or woman, is angry, the most meaningful thing to do might be just to ask why.

By Isabella Bengoechea